Worship Training

A sweet friend of mine asked me to do a post on this based on a facebook conversation we had a long time ago.  (As a matter of fact, she prompts most of my posts with her questions!).  She had asked what we did in worship with our little ones when they were even younger than they are now.   Here is an edited/revised version of the information I sent her then.  I think she gives us way too much credit with our children, but she thought it would be helpful to others, so here goes!  :)

First of all, when we took the kids to worship as babies/infants/toddlers, we had VERY few books/toys/etc. When they were very tiny we'd have something for them to chew on (Discovery Toys has a really nice teether that hooks to some links that is soft, smells good, and has lots of sensory nubs on it). When they got a little older we'd sometimes take a little snack like goldfish crackers, and we almost always had a drink with us. Looking back, I'd probably not do the snacks. They were distracting and messy and probably not the best idea. I am still fighting battles with my kids about them saying they are hungry during worship.  I'm afraid maybe I set the precedent for that to be a problem early on!  The drinks weren't a big deal at the time...neither of mine could go that long without a drink because of allergies, so it kept us in worship and away from germy water fountains.

The #1 piece of advice someone gave me (and I agree) is that when the time comes that you have to start taking them out for behavior, do NOT make it pleasurable, and always, Always, ALWAYS bring them back in so they don't learn to "force" you out and get their way. Even if you only bring them back in for the closing song, ALWAYS bring them back in to the assembly.  Also, don't fall into the trap of leaving them in the nursery for someone else to train (or play with!) during worship.  It's easy and convenient, but it can cause so many problems later on that are anything BUT easy and convenient!! Keep them with you anytime you possibly can so that they are learning from day one where their proper place is during the family's time to worship.

As far as books and toys goes, once they got past needing something to chew on, we rarely brought anything not Bible-related. We had a board book "Baby's first Bible," and our daughter would look at it the whole time, silently. When our son came along, on the other hand, he felt the need to comment on EVERYTHING in it, so he wasn't allowed any books at all. Keep in mind your end goal, and be careful not to start anything that's inconsistent with your end goal of teaching your child to respect worship and to behave there. I never ever wanted my kids to think that worship/the church building was a place for entertainment, so it's possible that we erred too far on the side of not making it "fun." We tried allowing each of mine to color some Bible coloring pages that related to the story that week, but they both got to where they couldn't wait for the lesson JUST so they could color. VERY early (before they could talk), we'd discuss on the way home what we talked about in the sermon, and we sing songs from the songbook ALL the time at home so that they learn them and can participate. We took them each a tiny Bible and let them VERY early flip through it and the songbook. Some people disagree with that b/c it can be hard on the songbook and/or Bible, but we just chose one Bible and one songbook and let them play with it/feel it/turn the pages/pat it, etc. We decided that when they get old enough to NOT mess it up, we'll purchase a new songbook to replace it b/c the experience of letting them be a part of worship is invaluable. We also do not allow them to look around the auditorium, talk, etc., as much as possible.  I have found lately that is even more of a challenge because they want to discuss the LESSON during the lesson, and I find myself trying to talk to them about it right then instead of waiting until later.   That's my mistake!

 The few Bible toys/books we DID use I kept separate from our stuff at home and only let them look at them/use them in worship so that they weren't bored with them. We also whisper(ed) the story of the crucifixion to them while waiting for the Lord's supper (so they wouldn't talk the whole time and so we could focus on it). I did, for a while, take each of them a fabric book that had snaps, buttons, shape matching, etc. b/c it was a "quiet play" book. My daughter did fine with it, but our son was too noisy. He wanted to discuss everything. There's no "one solution" that works for every kid, and you have to adapt along the way. We've had a lot of trial and error, and most people think we are too harsh/strict, but I'm seeing the results of it now. By age 3, neither of ours had to go out very often.  They still have their days (don't we all?!) when they act up or distract others, but I do believe they have an understanding of the importance of worship.  Our son gives us much more trouble than our daughter ever did, so with him, we are still learning and adapting.  (He's 4).   Most of my friends who allow their children to "play" during worship with toys, magnets, etc., are still taking them out for discipline when they are 5,6,7 on a regular basis. Also, AS SOON AS my kids could trace, we'd do "dotted" letters on pages and have them trace words that related to the lesson being taught.  Our preacher does outlines with blanks to fill in, and now they both copy our words onto theirs.  We also found some pages online that can be used for active Bible lesson listening.  I'll try to find the link online or figure out a way to post those. 

Oh...another thing...as soon as our kiddos could sit up a little bit on their own (not completely), we'd prop them up for a few minutes between us on the pew to train them to sit there (as opposed to always in our laps). It would just be for 2-3 minutes at first (sometimes not even that long), but we were setting the precedent for the future. We never EVER used the nursery unless I was feeding them (mine were so noisy with a bottle we couldn't do it in worship) b/c people tend to talk in there and it's very distracting and not conducive to training a child. Start early, train often, and don't get discouraged. Consistency and patience WILL result in the kind of behavior you want.

Most importantly, try really hard to not make any decisions that are in conflict with your end goal. I can't say that enough. Little things that make life "easier in the moment" can really mess up our future goals...trust me on that one. :) Hope this helps!

NOTE:  Now that my children are older (I'm writing this today), we have a few other things we do.  One of our most important rules is that they are not allowed to sit with anyone besides us.  It is our job to train them, and we don't expect anyone else to take on that responsibility.  The only exception to that is if the grandparents are visiting with us, and then they may sit with them ON OUR PEW.  Also, we practice "appropriate worship behavior" even in our home Bible studies.  Another thing that helps them to give worship the proper respect and attitude is by making no distinction on our part as to the importance of Sunday morning vs Sunday night, Wed. night, etc.   The clothing appropriate for Sunday morning is the same for Sunday night, Wed. night, lectureship, VBS, etc.  We stress the importance of all services equally.   Finally, we never EVER let them run in the building, climb up and down the stairs to the pulpit, climb on pews, and such.  They sometimes CHOOSE to do that, but there are always consequences.  We want them to know that worship is serious, and that God deserves our respect and honor.

I know this is long!  If you've stuck with me this long, I appreciate your desire to train your kids!  Hit me with questions and/or comments.  Please know that I do not consider myself an expert by any means, and we have made many MANY mistakes!!!  My children are not perfect, my husband is not perfect, and I am not perfect.  My God, however, IS perfect, and it in His honor that I give parenting my best shot and fervent devotion.