When the devil went to High Rock

The devil went up to High Rock,
He was looking for joy to steal...   MINE

Every summer for two weeks, High Rock Bible Camp comes to life with the sights, sounds (and , if  I am being honest, smells) of dozens of teens and pre-teens from area churches of Christ.   And every summer (since 2001), my family has been a part of one or both of those weeks, as well as quite a few of the retreats held in the spring and summer.   It is a highlight of our walk as Christians, and Jeremy and I both come home so refreshed and re-energized after our time there.    It is such a blessing to be part of the staff there and to watch the campers grow and mature in their faith. 

However...

Every summer, the devil reminds me just how well he knows me, and how much he wants to trip me up as I walk through life as one of God's children.    After all, he is a roaring lion seeking to devour!  1 Pet 5:8  A few weeks before camp starts, I start to feel overwhelming anxiety about anything and everything related to camp.    I start to worry about leaving my house for 2 weeks.   I stress about leaving behind a mess.   I wonder if my kids have the right number of clothes to get through the weeks.  I worry about leaving one or both children behind with the grandparents while we are "in the middle of nowhere" and difficult to contact.   The weeks before camp are a flurry of activity - planning, cleaning, washing clothes, filling in gaps in our wardrobes, and so on.    By the time we are ready to leave, I am always a basket case -- in tears, almost constantly fighting panic attacks, and feeling so inadequate to perform the roles I will be given at camp.   I start thinking that camp doesn't need me.   That God doesn't need me.   That I shouldn't serve in this way (or in any way!)   I allow criticism from others and my own unrealistic personal standards to mess with my mind and discourage me from the joy that should be found in serving as staff at High Rock.  The devil knows me.  He knows how to feed my anxieties.  He knows how to make me so busy getting ready for camp that I forget why we serve there to start with. He distracts me with unimportant things in order to remove my focus from the only ONE Who matters.   He plays with my emotions and insecurities until I almost talk myself out of going.  Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe.  It is paralyzing.

Every.  Single.  Summer. 

I always know it is coming, and I know in my head that it is just the devil fighting my desire to serve God faithfully, but without fail, he works his way into my mind and my heart, even if only in small segments.   It seems that no matter how many precautions I take against him, he still slips up on me unnoticed.

BUT GOD.

BUT GOD knows me even better than the devil does.  He created me!  He knows everything about me.    (Psalm 138:23) He has given me His word, which reminds me constantly of His faithfulness.   He knew that words would be my love language, and He gives them to me in abundance.   God knew.  God knows.

BUT GOD gave me a husband who doesn't allow me to be swallowed up by my doubts and fears.  He gave me a man who would constantly push me to be a better servant for the Lord.   He made sure this soulmate of mine was the perfect complement to my weaknesses and perfect protector of my heart, mind, and spiritual well-being.  God knew.  God knows. 

BUT GOD blessed me with two children who love camp and love the Lord.   The day before we left for pre-teen camp, Jeremy and I had a very stressful day working through some "wrenches" in the well-laid plans.   We were racing through Sam's just before they closed in order to obtain last-minute supplies, and our younger child looked at his daddy and said "This is my favorite day of the year!"  My husband was stopped in his tracks and asked "Why?"   Our son replied, "Because I know that tomorrow is camp, and I just love camp!!!"    This, from a child who has suffered ridicule from another camper every year at camp.   This, from a child who struggles to cope when he is tired and overstimulated.  This, from a child who had every reason to NOT want to be at camp, and he was so excited he couldn't stand it.   It was a wake up call for me to remember that camp is a place for joy and growth and fellowship.   God knew.  God knows. 

BUT GOD knew that others would need me.   When I went to teen camp, I felt as though I had no purpose for the week.   I was struggling to find my place and my purpose, BUT GOD.  God knew that a camper would need someone to ride to the hospital with her after an injury.   BUT GOD knew that several campers would need life advice and a shoulder to cry on.  God knows.

BUT GOD knew that I needed this boost.   Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, I needed a boost and the encouragement.    I needed to be around other people who "get it."   Other people who wouldn't push against what God says and who would inspire me to do better and be better.   God knew.  God knows. 

BUT GOD knew that powerful things would happen at High Rock and that I needed to be there to see them.    God knew that my 13 year old daughter would fearlessly study with a friend who questioned the plan of salvation.  God knew that another young lady would help my daughter in the study and that they would convert this friend and that she would obey the Gospel. 

BUT GOD.    The devil wants me, BUT GOD has me. (Romans 8:37 - 39)   God will never leave me or forsake me, especially when I am afraid and anxious and not feeling joyful about my service to Him.   He will pull me through and make sure people are "in my way" (just like Balaam's talking donkey!) when I want to give up or go the other way.     The devil knows me.  He knows my weaknesses.  BUT GOD knows that He is my strength. (Php 4:13)   The devil tempts me.  BUT GOD will always give me a way of escape. (1 Cor 10:13).   The devil wants me to fail, BUT GOD works all things for good to those who love and obey Him.   (Romans 8:28)   God is faithful.  He understands. 

This year was no different, but I held on with everything I had, and because of God, I came through victorious.   Thankfully, I didn't have to fight alone.   God fought FOR me and other "soldiers of Christ"  put on their own armor and fought alongside me to make sure camp was available for the precious souls registered for the two weeks.  God used me even in the midst of my weakness.   I am so thankful.  And now, on the flip side, after being surrounded by God's word and with God's people,  I can once again find the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.  And, if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack...just not at High Rock!  :)  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.   I promise.  But more importantly, God promises.