The Good Wife, Part 1

The “Good” Wife  (Part 1)

Forgive the formatting...something weird is going on with my editor!  :) 

It occurred to me this week that we, as women, are awfully hard on ourselves as wives and moms.  I heard (or read) several moms commenting that they wished they could be “good” wives or “good” moms instead of the failures they saw in themselves.  I, too, am guilty often of degrading myself for flaws I see in my roles as wife and mother.  Often, I feel totally defeated by the fact that my house is constantly messy or that exhaustion means I caved to frozen chicken nuggets (again) and a “dinner-nic” in front of a favorite show instead of our family seated around the kitchen table.  When I see the pile of laundry we call Mount Wash-more, sometimes I think my kids would be better off with another mother who could handle this whole “housekeeper” role.  On the rare occasion that my husband treks off to work with a can of ravioli instead of a healthy lunch, sometimes I cringe at what his co-workers must think of me.  However, this week, I have been thinking more about what GOD thinks of me, and less of what “others” think.  (Who are these “others,” anyway? What right do they have to compare me to some arbitrary ideal?  And, are they even watching me as closely as I think?)

First, let’s start at the very beginning…a very good place to start, don’t you think?  ;)

Genesis 2:19-23

¹⁸ And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” ¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

²¹ And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. ²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

²³ And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

What is our purpose as wives?   I think Scripture plainly teaches that we were created to be a helper comparable to our husbands.  Some translations say an help meet for him.  What does this mean?  My understanding from studying this term is that it means someone suitable, comparable, or one who completes another.  It is no coincidence that God mentions this after Adam has laboriously named all the animals of Creation.  Adam was, no doubt, relieved when Woman was brought forth for his consideration.  I don’t know about you, but MY husband is not perfect.  He is not flawless, sinless, or without blemish.   And I, according to Scripture, am a help MEET for him.  Comparable.  Suitable.  Therefore, why do I put such expectations on myself to be perfect, flawless, sinless, or without blemish?  Our strengths and weaknesses complement each other, complete each other, and make for an exciting and challenging and rewarding life together.   While there are consequences for times in which we make mistakes, sin, or have difficulties (if you doubt this, read about what happened after Eve ate and shared the fruit!), God does not expect total perfection in our role as wives.   Neither should we.

Let’s move to another passage that I cherish.  My goal in life (in addition to going to heaven and taking as many as I can with me!) is, at my death, to have lived in such a way that the preacher could read Proverbs 31 at my funeral and those gathering would not laugh him out of the building.   I used to read Proverbs 31 and feel like it was unattainable, unrealistic, and beyond my reach.  However, as I have studied it more, I see that the underlying message is one of virtue, industriousness, and dedication.  It is more a message of what is in the heart of a woman/wife than what she produces.  Let’s consider a few pieces.

The Virtuous Wife

^{10 j}Who ³can find a ⁴virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.

¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;

So he will have no lack of gain.

¹² She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

Virtuous, according to our current use of the word means “morally good, having or showing virtue, righteous, chaste” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/virtuous).  A study of “virtue” yields additional depth to the word, including “potency, a capacity to act, and a commendable quality or trait” (same reference as above).   

Even more importantly, the original word listed means, "Literally, a wife of valor, in the sense of all forms of excellence."   It also includes the meanings of strength, power, might, or capacity.   This implies a deep strength of character found in this godly woman.  (WordSearch7).  Some interpreters even assert that the verse could more accurately be translated, "Who can find a strong wife?"   This is quite a different view of what the world sees in women who are living a submissive, godly wife.  This woman's strength is made evident through her gentle yet hardworking nature.  She is someone to whom others look for strength, encouragement, capability, and godliness.  

Notice that none of these definitions imply perfection, which is what we usually impose upon ourselves with this Scripture.  With this woman, her husband can trust that she will be kind and loving to him, and not seek to do him evil.  While this does not mean we make no mistakes in loving our husbands, it does mean that we will strive to always do him good.   We will value and cherish the separate roles that God has our husbands and ourselves.  Sometimes we downgrade our status as being “just” a wife, but Scripture teaches that our worth exceeds that of valuable gems.   While we certainly need to be humble and see our unworthiness in comparison to the glory of God, we also need to realize that God has, in many ways, exalted our position as wives to one of honor and respect.   Remember that in Genesis 1, it was "not good" for man to be alone.  It was only after the creation of woman that God decided His work was "very good" (Genesis 1:31)  We are neither inferior nor superior to men, but rather we are equal heirs of the promise if we consistently strive to follow the Lord.  Without either of our roles, our marriages, the home, and even the church cannot function as God intends.