Several months ago, I posted about how we train(ed) our little ones in worship, especially when they were very young. Someone pointed out to me that my kids are now older, so I should comment on what we do differently at this age.
Much of what we do now is consistent with what we did when they were younger, just on a more "difficult" scale. For instance, though we seldom have to remove them from services for misbehavior now, when we do it is very unpleasant and they MUST return, if only for the final song. Frequently, though, we can now delay reinforcement by writing their names on a piece of paper and adding tally marks when/if they earn disciplinary measures. Then, when we leave services, we administer the appropriate discipline and discuss the infraction. This works only because they are now old enough to connect the punishment with the "crime." We approach discipline from the standpoint that God requires loving parents to administer discipline and punishment to their children in order to train them. We remind them that we love them, but also stress that if we want to be parents pleasing to God, we cannot allow our children to misbehave or be disruptive. They are always faced with the choice to behave and reap the benefits or to CHOOSE to misbehave or disobey and thus CHOOSE the consequences. We do not allow them to say, "You chose to spank me, ground me, etc." It is THEIR choice, based upon their actions, and we force them to take responsibility for it. This doesn't always "stick" with them, but we try to be consistent.
During worship, we no longer allow any distractions (toys, crayons, drinks, food, purses, chapstick, Bible storybooks, etc.) for our children, as they are definitely old enough to participate in worship without assistance from any of these "helps." We allowed very few even as babies, but even those are no longer allowed. I will walk through a "typical" service with comments on how our children are expected to behave and participate.
First, our worship training begins at home during the week as we do our family devos at night. We sing, pray, and have a lesson during our devos, and with the exception of being able to wear comfy clothes and sit in our laps, they are expected to model appropriate worship behavior. We do have discussion, questions and answers, etc. during the lesson, but proper respect for God is required. No goofing off, eating, drinking, etc. Each kid has a Bible to use, and both are expected to turn to and follow along with any passage my husband reads. At any time, they know Daddy can stop and ask them where we are and ask questions, which they are expected to be able to answer! We do Bible drills, Bible stories, songs, and prayers. We also spend time on memory work assigned by their Bible class teachers and on the memory cards our congregation uses during "pew packers" on Sunday nights. On Monday night, my daughter chooses which songs Daddy will lead for us, and on Fridays my son leads us in singing. He looks forward to it all week, and we are teaching him to stand still, speak clearly when announcing the songs, etc.
On the way to assemble for worship, we sing songs of praise to God to get us in the right frame of mind to study. We also review memory verses for class. We try to be there early enough to let the kids visit with the older gentlemen in the foyer and to pass out hugs and smiles. The kids are completely responsible for remembering their Bibles, their contribution, any homework, and memory verses. If they forget, they must be accountable to the teachers.
After Bible class, prior to worship, both kids MUST use the bathroom, as we do not permit getting up during services to use the bathroom except in rare circumstances. My daughter has some issues that sometimes require her to leave during services, but we try to keep that to an essential minimum. Then, we go to services and make sure we have everything laid out that we need...pencils, paper, Bibles, and contribution.
During the singing, both kids hold their own songbooks, turn to the appropriate songs, and follow along. If they don't know the song, they do the best they can. If the congregation is standing, they must, too.
During prayer, they are expected to bow their heads and be quiet, so as not to distract others.
During announcements, my daughter frequently "takes notes" of people we can send cards to.
During the Lord's supper, the kids and I all read a designated chapter to keep us focused on Christ. On the first Sunday of the month, we read Matthew's account of the crucifixion. On the 2nd Sunday it is Mark's, 3rd Sunday Luke's, 4th Sunday John's. If we have a 5th Sunday, we read Isaiah 53.
During the time for contribution, my kids give a chosen part of their allowances. They receive 75 cents each week if they have met all their requirements for allowance. We require them to give at least a quarter, but frequently we find them bringing 50 cents or even the whole 75 cents to worship!
During the sermon, they must follow along. Our preacher distributes outlines, so we encourage them to listen for the words used to fill in the blanks. Sometimes they are able to look up the noted verses and find the word even before he gets there, but we encourage them to listen and make sure that's his word of choice. We don't worry about spelling or grammar on this, we just encourage them to write. If they choose, they can copy the spelling from mine or Daddy's. My littler one still likes to find a frequently used word in the outline and circle all instances of it. On days that we have guest speakers, we have various methods we use for taking notes. One is to just have them write down any words or Scripture references they hear. Another is to use a pre-made page where you tally how many times common words are used. There are several available online, and we make our own sometimes.
Frequent challenges we face:
My daughter is very headstrong. She frequently tests us on these and will sometimes just refuse to fill out the outline. In this case, we get extra copies and she has to redo it at home and then copy every Scripture reference. If she forgets to do her memory verse for class, she must copy it AND the new one for the week ten times neatly. If she comes out of class or services and can't tell us what was studied, she has to write a page about it. We emphasize that she needs to take time to learn about God, and that she can choose to do it at the appropriate time, or she can have to use her "free" time to do it. It is her CHOICE. (Our son isn't quite old enough for this, but we DO make him fill out a new outline if he is sloppy or not paying attention). She also REALLY likes to look around the auditorium and be nosy. We do NOT allow this.
My son is very talkative and energetic. Keeping him still and quiet is a constant challenge. My best advice is just to be consistent. Remind, remind, remind. Reinforce, reinforce, reinforce! Most of his discipline results from not being quiet and from being disruptive, but he is learning! I have to be careful not to fall into answering him or talking to him.
Note:
We do not have this "all figured out" by any means! Every service is a learning opportunity, and we are constantly growing and changing in our methods, but this is our "normal" progression for services. The kids are becoming more used to it and are doing better with it. I know that as they grow we will have to continually adapt to their abilities and personalities, and I pray frequently for the wisdom to do this!
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