My "Aha" Moment

What I am going to write is probably a no-brainer for any of you out there who are naturally thin and/or do not have blood sugar or weight problems.   You’ll read this and say, “duh!  And I thought you were smart?”   However, for me, it was a real “aha” moment of truth and motivation.  

I have now been on Weight Watchers for a little over 7 months and have lost *only* 24 ½ pounds.  I say “only” because the first 10 came off quickly and the other 14 have been excruciatingly S……………L……………….O……………….W.   I lose a pound or two and then go weeks before I lose another.   Since Christmas, I’ve lost a whopping total of 4 pounds.  In three months.  UGH!  For someone who is as rigid as I am about strictly following the guidelines they give me, it has been so frustrating.  I have measured and tracked and monitored every morsel of food that has entered my body for 7 months.  I have weighed and grilled and sautéed with no added fat (except the occasional drizzle of olive oil for my healthy oils).   Still slow.  I’ve biked and walked and yoga-ed and stretched and lifted and tugged and raked and done all I can to burn off calories.  I’ve chugged 8-12 glasses of ice cold water a day.   I have never, ever, NOT ONCE gone above my weekly allowance of points.  And, yet, I have struggled!

The positives of my journey:  1.   I bought a size 8/10 Easter dress.  I have NEVER worn that size, probably even in elementary school!  I can’t wear everything in that size, but this particular dress was swimming on me in “my” size of 12/14.  I know it is just a tag, but it is also motivating.   2.  My leg (THE leg, the one that caused all the problems last summer) is improving.  Finally.   I can actually go for a walk with my kiddos without swelling up like a balloon.   3.  My fitness level has improved and I can walk or bike without my asthma flaring up every single time.   4.  My blood pressure is better.   5.  My mood is (generally) better.   6.  I sleep better.   7.  I only have 2 chins instead of 4.  Hahaha.  8.  I am healthier even though I can’t always “see” it.   9.  My kids are healthier. 

But, I know, you are really here to see what the big “aha” was for me, so I’ll get to it. 

Despite all the positives from this weight loss so far, I have one big negative.  For some reason, as I lose weight, my blood sugar is getting really wacky.   I’ve always struggled with LOW blood sugar and hypoglycemia, but now I am struggling with HIGHER numbers.  None of them are way high on the scale, but for ME they are high.   My A1C has even registered “hypoglycemic” in the past, and now, even after intense exercise and proper foods, I can barely get below 100, even fasting.   My fasting numbers are hovering right around the dreaded 100 mark, sometimes drifting above.  My post-meal #s are a good 40-50 points higher than what I am used to.  Still in the “borderline” range as far as diabetes goes, but definitely NOT where I want them, AND they are making me feel yucky.  No energy, exhausted, thirsty, and grouchy.  UGH.  

The other day at our meeting, our leader told those of us who are “stuck” on the scale to shake things up a little.  If we’re eating on the low end of our point range, move higher.  If we’re on the high end, shift lower.  So, I did.  On Thursday I completely shifted my food intake around and even added in some chocolate.  I have chocolate on occasion in the form of a mini candy bar or something, but that day I had real chocolate.  And, we had pancakes for dinner.  (Mine were whole wheat apple cinnamon pancakes with oat flour).  That night, I checked my sugar before bed, only to find it sky high (for me).  I must confess that I panicked a little.  But, then, I took action.  

I hopped on my recumbent bike and pedaled hard and fast for almost 35 minutes…at 9 pm.  I was furious.  Furious at my body for not working the way I wanted it to.  Furious with myself for not taking as good care of myself that day as I could have.  Furious that I even had to deal with all this, and furious that, at 9 pm when I wanted to head to bed early, I was on my bike sweating.  I’d already done a pretty intense workout that day, but I was mad.  And motivated. 

While I biked, I prayed for clarity about the situation.  I took deep breaths so I could survive the workout, and I mused about my problem.  By the time I finished biking, I had come to some conclusions and decisions. 

1.       My body is the body God blessed me with to use for His service, and there’s no point in resenting how it works or being angry about it.  God made me beautiful and special, and when I get angry about how my body functions, am I not questioning God’s wisdom of creation? 

2.      There is no sense in bemoaning the difficulties I face in losing weight.  That’s just how it is, and I need to accept it and move on.

3.      My choices matter.  I can’t do things ½ way or eat junk and expect my body to perform at top levels. 

4.      An extra workout isn’t the end of the world and it’s not worth my tears, anger, or frustration.

5.      I need to realize this is a “forever” thing.

6.      Don’t mess with “angry mama.” 

7.      I need to do my best every day and let that be enough.   I can’t let the scale rule my life.   I am beautiful and special and worthwhile no matter what the number on the flashing digital screen says.  

8.      My blood sugar is going to be an issue, and I need to be willing and prepared to deal with that.  

9.      A loss or maintenance is not a gain.  Every pound…or ½ a pound…is making me healthier. 

10.  I CAN do this.

As I write this, I realize that there is no way to completely verbalize the change that took place that night. As a matter of fact, it sounds so silly as I re-read it.   I’ve heard people talk about “the” moment in their health and fitness journey before, and I always thought they were a little loopy.  But, now, I understand.  And, I am ready.   And able.  And going to kick this problem in its tail and move forward!!

Worship Training, elementary edition

Several months ago, I posted about how we train(ed) our little ones in worship, especially when they were very young.  Someone pointed out to me that my kids are now older, so I should comment on what we do differently at this age.

Much of what we do now is consistent with what we did when they were younger, just on a more "difficult" scale.  For instance, though we seldom have to remove them from services for misbehavior now, when we do it is very unpleasant and they MUST return, if only for the final song.   Frequently, though, we can now delay reinforcement by writing their names on a piece of paper and adding tally marks when/if they earn disciplinary measures.  Then, when we leave services, we administer the appropriate discipline and discuss the infraction.  This works only because they are now old enough to connect the punishment with the "crime." We approach discipline from the standpoint that God requires loving parents to administer discipline and punishment to their children in order to train them.  We remind them that we love them, but also stress that if we want to be parents pleasing to God, we cannot allow our children to misbehave or be disruptive.   They are always faced with the choice to behave and reap the benefits or to CHOOSE to misbehave or disobey and thus CHOOSE the consequences.  We do not allow them to say, "You chose to spank me, ground me, etc."  It is THEIR choice, based upon their actions, and we force them to take responsibility for it.  This doesn't always "stick" with them, but we try to be consistent.

During worship, we no longer allow any distractions (toys, crayons, drinks, food, purses, chapstick, Bible storybooks, etc.) for our children, as they are definitely old enough to participate in worship without assistance from any of these "helps."  We allowed very few even as babies, but even those are no longer allowed.   I will walk through a "typical" service with comments on how our children are expected to behave and participate.

First, our worship training begins at home during the week as we do our family devos at night.   We sing, pray, and have a lesson during our devos, and with the exception of being able to wear comfy clothes and sit in our laps, they are expected to model appropriate worship behavior.  We do have discussion, questions and answers, etc. during the lesson, but proper respect for God is required.   No goofing off, eating, drinking, etc.   Each kid has a Bible to use, and both are expected to turn to and follow along with any passage my husband reads.   At any time, they know Daddy can stop and ask them where we are and ask questions, which they are expected to be able to answer!  We do Bible drills, Bible stories, songs, and prayers.  We also spend time on memory work assigned by their Bible class teachers and on the memory cards our congregation uses during "pew packers" on Sunday nights.  On Monday night, my daughter chooses which songs Daddy will lead for us, and on Fridays my son leads us in singing.  He looks forward to it all week, and we are teaching him to stand still, speak clearly when announcing the songs, etc. 

On the way to assemble for worship, we sing songs of praise to God to get us in the right frame of mind to study.  We also review memory verses for class.  We try to be there early enough to let the kids visit with the older gentlemen in the foyer and to pass out hugs and smiles.  The kids are completely responsible for remembering their Bibles, their contribution, any homework, and memory verses.  If they forget, they must be accountable to the teachers.

After Bible class, prior to worship, both kids MUST use the bathroom, as we do not permit getting up during services to use the bathroom except in rare circumstances.  My daughter has some issues that sometimes require her to leave during services, but we try to keep that to an essential minimum.   Then, we go to services and make sure we have everything laid out that we need...pencils, paper, Bibles, and contribution.

During the singing, both kids hold their own songbooks, turn to the appropriate songs, and follow along.  If they don't know the song, they do the best they can.   If the congregation is standing, they must, too.  

During prayer, they are expected to bow their heads and be quiet, so as not to distract others.  

During announcements, my daughter frequently "takes notes" of people we can send cards to.

During the Lord's supper, the kids and I all read a designated chapter to keep us focused on Christ.  On the first Sunday of the month, we read Matthew's account of the crucifixion.  On the 2nd Sunday it is Mark's, 3rd Sunday Luke's, 4th Sunday John's.  If we have a 5th Sunday, we read Isaiah 53.  

During the time for contribution, my kids give a chosen part of their allowances.  They receive 75 cents each week if they have met all their requirements for allowance.  We require them to give at least a quarter, but frequently we find them bringing 50 cents or even the whole 75 cents to worship!

During the sermon, they must follow along.  Our preacher distributes outlines, so we encourage them to listen for the words used to fill in the blanks.  Sometimes they are able to look up the noted verses and find the word even before he gets there, but we encourage them to listen and make sure that's his word of choice. We don't worry about spelling or grammar on this, we just encourage them to write.  If they choose, they can copy the spelling from mine or Daddy's.   My littler one still likes to find a frequently used word in the outline and circle all instances of it.  On days that we have guest speakers, we have various methods we use for taking notes.   One is to just have them write down any words or Scripture references they hear.  Another is to use a pre-made page where you tally how many times common words are used.  There are several available online, and we make our own sometimes. 

Frequent challenges we face:

My daughter is very headstrong.  She frequently tests us on these and will sometimes just refuse to fill out the outline.  In this case, we get extra copies and she has to redo it at home and then copy every Scripture reference.  If she forgets to do her memory verse for class, she must copy it AND the new one for the week ten times neatly.  If she comes out of class or services and can't tell us what was studied, she has to write a page about it.   We emphasize that she needs to take time to learn about God, and that she can choose to do it at the appropriate time, or she can have to use her "free" time to do it.  It is her CHOICE.  (Our son isn't quite old enough for this, but we DO make him fill out a new outline if he is sloppy or not paying attention).  She also REALLY likes to look around the auditorium and be nosy.  We do NOT allow this. 

My son is very talkative and energetic.  Keeping him still and quiet is a constant challenge.  My best advice is just to be consistent.  Remind, remind, remind.  Reinforce, reinforce, reinforce!  Most of his discipline results from not being quiet and from being disruptive, but he is learning!  I have to be careful not to fall into answering him or talking to him. 

Note:
We do not have this "all figured out" by any means! Every service is a learning opportunity, and we are constantly growing and changing in our methods, but this is our "normal" progression for services.  The kids are becoming more used to it and are doing better with it.  I know that as they grow we will have to continually adapt to their abilities and personalities, and I pray frequently for the wisdom to do this!