I'm trying to answer questions I've gotten from friends about how we do things here. Let me preface this by saying that we are in NO WAY experts or perfect at this. We stumble and trip DAILY in our efforts to raise our children, and there is no advice that works for every child, parent, or family. But, here are some of the best pieces of advice we've ever been given by older church members who have "been there, done that." I am commenting on how we implement them, but they all came from other faithful members of the Lord's church.
1. Talk about God and His creation and His word constantly. Place it around your house in visible places, and make everyday moments teachable moments. Sound familiar? That's because God said it first in Deuteronomy 6:4-9.
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one![b] 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You
shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them
when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down,
and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
How do we do this in a practical sense? We have Scripture posted all over our walls, in picture frames, on coloring pages, etc. We bought some printable sticker paper and typed up verses for the kids (and ourselves) and posted them on the walls. They are removable, even if you leave them on for months (or years) at a time. I'm amazed how many Scriptures my kids have learned from those without us ever "officially" teaching them those Scriptures.
Also, we talk about everything we see and how it relates to God. Is there a rainbow in the sky? Talk about Noah and his faithfulness to God. Talk about God's promise to him and how it still applies today. Talk about how only 8 were saved in the ark because they were the only ones obedient. Talk about how in today's time, the only ones in the "ark of salvation" are Christians who have been obedient to the gospel. The chances to teach are abundant if you just actively seek them.
2. Choose your important battles early and stick to your guns.
A friend once told us that it is incredibly important to decide what is (and isn't) worth battling over. He told us to choose which battles were our most important, to set guidelines as early as possible, and to never EVER give in on those. Here are a few of our most important ones.
A. Show respect in God's house and during times of worship and Bible study. Our children have never, ever been allowed to run, play, or goof off in the church building. That doesn't mean they have never TRIED, but there have always, always, ALWAYS been consequences for it. My kids are just like everyone else's. They will test us, try us, and see how close they can get to the line we've drawn in the sand. But, we hold firm. This means no climbing up the stairs by the pulpit, no running through the halls, no ring-around-the-rosey in the foyer, no climbing over, under, or on the pews, etc. This is really important to us, so we started it when they were born so that we never had to answer the question, "But why did you let me do it as a kid?"
This respect also applies to how they must act during worship. We never brought games or toys to worship (with the exception of teethers as babies) for our children, because it wasn't a battle we wanted to fight later. With my daughter we brought Bible story books for her to look at or relevant coloring pages that went with the lesson, but with my son we just had to make him sit because he canNOT be quiet when he sees pictures and stories!! This is personal preference, and everyone must make their own decisions, but for us, this was very important. Even when we do Bible study at home, they must be attentive, quiet, and respectful. We fight this every day and every time we study, but each day we get closer to our goal of training them to be respectful worshipers of God.
Thirdly, our kids have never been allowed to wear anything but their best to worship services, gospel meetings, VBS, etc. For us, there is no distinction between Sunday morning and Wednesday night services, and even when they were babies, they wore "worship" clothes instead of rompers, etc. Sometimes it was inconvenient or impractical to do so, but I have (to this point) never heard, "But why can't I wear jeans, shorts, etc. to worship just this once? " We have church clothes and other clothes. Period.
B. Modesty - This is huge for us. I didn't grow up with a Biblical understanding of modesty, but the longer I am a Christian, the more important I realize it is. We attend a Bible camp in the summer as counselors (and can't wait for the kids to go!), and that camp has a dress code for all participants. Shoulders to knees, all must be covered. At first it was just a "camp code," but the more we study and learn, the more we realize how founded in Scripture it is, and how that should be a Christian's standard at all times. What is appropriate at camp is no different than what is appropriate elsewhere. So, our kids have had that "dress code" from day one. Modesty is so, so important in today's world (as it has always been) when physical appearance is so widely admired in society. Children in the church MUST be taught how much God desires purity. For our family, this means that our children do not wear short shorts and our daughter does not wear spaghetti straps, short skirts or dresses, skintight clothing, or one-piece bathing suits. Our son does not go around shirtless, even in the heat of summer or when playing in the sprinkler. Both kids wear swim trunks and sun shirts. As babies, they did not go out in public in onesies. We don't ever want to hear, "But why was it okay when I was a baby." Now, my daughter has even gotten to the point that, when we go shopping, she passes by the inappropriate outfits without question. I'm sure the day will come that she will want to give in to the worldly view of fashion, but hopefully we will have instilled a sense of modesty, purity, and propriety that will win out.
C. Obey your parents - This is unquestionable. Our kids are expected to obey first and ask questions later. This is NOT something we have mastered, but we strive diligently (and daily) to make this a reality. We have never tolerated backtalk or disobedience. That is NOT to say it doesn't happen. It does! My kids do not "submit" well, but they always know is is not approved of in our house. They may choose to test the limits and reap the consequences, but they know what is expected.
D. Set few rules and make them count. We have very few rules in our house, but the ones we have are absolute.
E. Attend services faithfully. It is our goal to be present at the church building every time the doors are open for members to gather together. Worship attendance is never questioned here. My kids know that every Sunday and Wednesday we will be at services, no matter what else is going on. Even on vacation, we do not miss. Ever. Unless there is an emergency or sickness that prevents us from being there, we will be there. This alone is not enough to make sure our kids stay faithful, but it will undoubtedly go a long way towards instilling the importance of worshiping God.
F. Love your spouse. The best gift a mom or dad can give their children (other than teaching them about God) is to love their spouse. Make time for each other separate from the kids. You are a team, working together to point your arrows to the bullseye. You must be a united, consistent front for your children. They will learn so much from the love you show each other.
So, these are some simple ideas others gave us that we try to use in our daily lives. I hope you benefit from them as much as we have.
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