A few weeks ago we lost a dear friend. He was in his upper 80s and had finally succumbed to the necessity of living somewhere that he could be taken care of daily, due to illness and fragility. He was too stubborn...er...independent to live with his daughter, so he moved into a nursing home facility, right across the hall from his wife of 66 years. She had been there for several years suffering from severe dementia that did not allow him to safely care for her at home anymore. We had known them for years, but in the past 2 or 3 years, we had forged a relationship with him unlike any we'd had before.
Mr. "A." sat behind us in worship for as long as he was able to attend. Well known for his dry wit and sense of humor, he was a delight to interact with, and many loved him. For some reason, he was drawn to our children and essentially "adopted" them as additional grandkids, as his lived many hours away. They adored him as well, and they looked forward to seeing him at every service. Before he moved into the nursing home, he needed some additional help at home with cleaning and such, so we went several times a week to his home for a while to help keep it under control. During those times, I learned so much from this gruff but gentle old man. My own grandfathers have been gone for some time, and the relationship I formed with this man was in many ways as meaningful as those with my own grandparents. His funeral was one of the hardest days I have had in many years. Mr. A. was not perfect, and he understood that. I don't write these things to put him on a pedestal, as he made many mistakes, just like the rest of us. He expressed to me many times regrets he had about things he had done in the past. However, I learned so many things from his experiences, and I cherished the times we had together. While most of you did not know him, the lessons he taught me are valuable to all.
1. When you vow "in sickness and in health, til death do us part," you'd better mean it!! When Mr. A's wife had to be put in assisted living, it completely tore him apart. He felt as though he was breaking his vow to be with her until death. As long as he was able, he spent time every single day with her in the nursing home, often sacrificing his own needs and health to do so. He was not willing to allow someone else to care for his wife, even when it would have been in his best interest to do so. Many tried to convince him to rest and to give up some of her care, but he was adamant. While I could see his need to take care of himself as well, I couldn't help but be impressed by the devotion he showed. Many thought him "foolish," but I thought him to be faithful. He was never overly affectionate, yet his steadfastness showed his unconditional love for the woman he chose so many years ago. When she passed away, it was scarcely 2 months before we lost him as well. He told us he had just been hanging on to "take care of her." Wow. In a day and time when husbands and wives often treat marriage as a disposable commodity, it was so refreshing and encouraging to see the way God meant things to be.
2. Money is just money. You can't take it with you. This man was not poor, yet he did not flaunt or show his wealth. He used it in ways that would help God's kingdom grow, but he did not waste it. He told me one time that "if you can't take it home and wear it or eat it, don't waste your money." While I think that may be a little extreme, he had a good point! He also told me over and over, "If you can't afford it now, you don't need it."
3. God doesn't want excuses. Mr. A was at services as long as he was physically able, and many times even when he wasn't! He didn't make excuses for missing services. If he was at all able, you knew he'd be there; if he wasn't, something was very wrong.
4. You are never too old to make a difference. I'm sure Mr. A never knew how much he affected me and my family with his "life lessons." I tried to tell him, but "gruff old men" aren't into that sappy stuff. ha! Also, his neighbors all benefited from his example, as he was constantly inviting them to worship, telling them about their need for the gospel, etc. Sometimes we see older people as being "unimportant," but nothing could be further from the truth. They have much wisdom to offer from their experiences, and just because they are unable to participate in the same activities we are does not mean we should forget or neglect them.
Mr. A., you are missed terribly, but I am so thankful for the time we had with you. Our whole family loved you greatly. I will cherish my memories always.
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