So I started this post about the time I started the "Good Wife" posts, but my computer was at the computer doctor for 10 days and then our house was torn apart for remodeling, so I've had plenty of time to stew over it. Several friends have also proofread, edited, and added to it, so we'll call it a team effort!:) Note: All Scripture quoted is NKJV, unless otherwise identified.
Also...please, if I ever write anything that is not scriptural, please bring it to my attention! I am sharing my thoughts from my own studies and contemplations, but I can and do make mistakes. I will never be offended if you point out something from Scripture that is in conflict with something I say. If you show me scripturally that I am in error, I will make every effort to bring my life into line with God's word.
How many times do moms suffer from "mommy guilt?" You know the kind that comes when your child says, "You're so mean!" or "Everyone else gets to!" or "WHY can't I eat that bright red candy so that I can bounce off the walls?" (Haha...probably only MY kids say that one!) How often do we feel like we just aren't good enough? Like we don't measure up to the moms we see at the grocery store who even look cute and put together in their workout clothes and ponytails? Like our kids are somehow lacking because they aren't in every activity coming and going? Am I the only one who feels inferior at times to the other PTAC moms who seem to have it all together? Am I the only one who cries myself to sleep more times than I'd care to admit because I just feel like I have totally messed up...again? I get so frustrated sometimes trying to be the mom I think I should be. You know the type? The ones whose kids always have clean faces, fingernails, and hair? The ones whose kids always use good manners? The ones who are perfect? (Hint....they don't exist!) :) Surely I am not the only one who looks at the two beautiful blessings who call me Mommy and thinks that God must have overestimated my competency. I know for certain that I am not the only one who finds reason to pause in awe as I consider the incredible responsibility God has given my husband and me to guide these sweet souls to Heaven's gates.
What does the world say that a good mom is or does? What I see in the world is that a good mom looks beautiful and put together, no matter what. Her hair is perfect, she's a size 0 even after having children, her husband looks like a model, and her children always look pristine and angelic. They never backtalk, smart off, or fight with their siblings. I also see in the world's view of a good mom that she is with her children 24/7, allowing them to make decisions about what makes them "happy" and she makes sure that they only have fun (no work!) and that their self-esteem is never challenged or injured. She never lets them fail, because that would be mean and would make them sad. They are never sad, frustrated, in the wrong, or - gasp- BORED. She always caters to their every wish and they are always happy. She does not discipline, because that would hinder their spirits and crush their imagination.
With that being said, I want us to think about what the Bible says about the word "good." Luke 18:19 shares with us Jesus telling the young ruler "Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God." (NKJV) Psalms 86:5 and 119:68 also attest to God's goodness. Does this mean we should never use the word "good" as an adjective describing people? In Genesis 1:31 we read, "Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. ..." Later we read the parable of the faithful servant, who is told, "Well done, good and faithful servant,;..." I think the key here is to realize that when we use the word "good," we need to make sure that we are using it to describe godly things. Isaiah 5:20 warns us to be careful what things we call "good."
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;
Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
In our specific case, we need to make sure that when we talk about a "good" mom, that we are referring to how she fulfills her God-given responsibilities and roles, NOT how she measures up (or down!!) to the world's standards. So many things that make a mother godly are the same things that make a woman godly. She just has the opportunity to use these godly traits specifically in her role of motherhood.
So, what are some things the "good mom" (GODLY mom) will do?
1. She will feed her own soul. Much like parents on an airplane are instructed to put on their own oxygen masks before helping their children in the event of an emergency, we, as mothers, MUST find time to feed our own souls from God's word. We need to take advantage of any opportunity we have to study, learn, and grow. Sometimes this may be during nap time, during a drive in the car (listening, not reading!), or even studying for Family Bible Time. We might even need to ask for help from someone else so that we can find the time to nourish our own souls. (Yes, I said ask for help! Why do we struggle so much with that?) Whatever it takes to put God's word in our hearts is what we must do. As a Bible class teacher, I often springboard my own studies off of the stories my class is learning. Kindergarteners love the story of David, but I, as an adult, can learn a whole lot from him as well!!
2. She will let her children know that God comes first. They will see her studying, praying, serving, loving, worshiping, etc. They will know that God isn't just someone Mommy visits on Sunday mornings at the church building. Kids catch on really quickly if we are talking the talk but not walking the walk.
3. She will teach her children about God. Deuteronomy 6:7 and surrounding verses give this task to parents, and mommies are USUALLY the ones who spend the most time with the kiddos. This doesn't have to be formal all the time. Simply pointing to a rainbow and saying, "Wow, God really does keep His promises, doesn't He?" can be powerful teaching for a child! Also look at Proverbs 22:6 and the account of Timothy's mother and grandmother in 2 Tim 1:5.
4. She will recognize that she is not perfect...and neither are her children! More importantly, it is OKAY that we are not perfect! God focuses on our desire to serve Him and our walking in the light (1 John 1:7) as we strive to do His will. Does our society not encourage us to make excuses every time our children mess up? Are we not pressured to go to bat for our children every time life gets difficult? Isn't it always someone else's fault? We have to face the facts sometimes. We are not perfect. Our children are not perfect. Young children are still learning right from wrong and are not accountable yet for sin, so I do not in any way mean to imply that young children are sinful. God is clear about conversion coming about after an educated belief, repentance, confession, and baptism (see my tab at the top of my blog if you have questions, or ask!). However, no one old enough to be accountable is righteous on his own. God says so! Romans 3:23 (For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God), 1 John 1:8 (If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us), Romans 3:10 (There is none righteous, no, not one) So, we can stop beating ourselves up about not being "perfect" mommies with "perfect" kids. God asks us to be HOLY, not sinlessly perfect. I am so thankful for that. Aren't you? While we should always give motherhood our absolute best, we don't need to hold ourselves to a higher standard than even God does. He forgives our mistakes and imperfections. It's high time we do, too!
5. One more for this post, and then I will stop. A "good" (remember, this means godly!) wife LETS DADDY LEAD THE FAMILY! Ouch. My toes hurt. Do anyone else's, or am I alone in this one? This can be sooooooooooooooo hard for any of us women who are opinionated or strong-willed. Or even those of us who feel like maybe we are good at explaining things. Sometimes we take over the reins without even realizing it, don't we? I know sometimes I hijack a family Bible time without even noticing until I get the look...you know the one I mean? The one over the kids' heads that says, "You're doing it again!" Ha. Along with this, though, it means that we must support Daddy's decisions. When we respect his decisions in front of the children, it shows them he can be trusted. If Mommy trusts him, they can, too. If we don't mock him or speak condescendingly, they will learn not to backtalk him as well. While he may make decisions that are not the ones we would have made (he's not perfect, either!), the time to question that is not in front of the kids. I used to think this was "unfair," but now I see it as a blessing. I am thankful God did not put me in that role, as my emotions and feelings would often affect my leading. (Note: I do realize that some women do not have husbands who will be the leader of the family. I hurt for you if you are in this situation. I pray that you will be strong and do what is needed to help your children get to heaven. I don't have a lot of answers for you, as I have never been there, done that. Keep setting the good example, and who knows what effect that will have on your husband?! )
To be continued...thanks for hanging in there with me so far. :)
